Week 08-18 Thinking of Having Kids?

SteveintheUK in Funny

After helping some friends move yesterday and having to deal with there hyperactive and excited son I can across this post on dionysus with one n

This is just the edited highlights, pop over to the full article at dionysus with one n to read the full details of the steps that you need to take.

Thinking of Having Kids (or grand kids)? Do this 11 step program first!

Lesson 1.

Go to the grocery store…

Lesson 2

Before you finally go ahead and have children, find a couple who already are parents and berate them…

Enjoy it because it will be the last time in your life you will have all the answers.

Lesson 3

A really good way to discover how the nights might feel…

Lesson 4

Can you stand the mess children make? To find out…

Lesson 5

Dressing small children is not as easy as it seems…

Lesson 6

Forget the BMW and buy a mini-van. And don’t think that you can leave it out in the driveway spotless and shining. Family cars don’t look like that…

Lesson 7

Go to the local grocery store. Take with you the closest thing you can find to a
pre-school child. (A full-grown goat is an excellent choice). If you intend to have more than one child, then definitely take more than one goat…

Lesson 8

1. Hollow out a melon.
2. Make a small hole in the side.
3. Suspend it from the ceiling and swing it from side to side.
4. Now get a bowl of soggy Cheerios and attempt to spoon them into the swaying melon by pretending to be an airplane…

Lesson 9

Learn the names of every character from Sesame
Street, Barney, Disney, the Teletubbies, and Pokemon. Watch nothing else on TV but PBS, the Disney channel or Noggin for at least five years. (I know, you’re thinking What’s ‘Noggin’?)
Exactly the point.

Lesson 10

Make a recording of Fran Drescher saying ‘mommy’ repeatedly. (Important: no more than a four second delay between each ‘mommy’; occasional crescendo to the level of a supersonic jet is required). Play this tape in your car everywhere you go for the next four years. You are now ready to take a long trip with a toddler.

Lesson 11

Start talking to an adult of your choice. Have someone else continually tug on your skirt hem, shirt- sleeve, or elbow while playing the ‘mommy’ tape made from Lesson 10 above. You are now ready to have a conversation with an adult while there is a child in the room.

This is all very tongue in cheek; anyone who is parent will say ‘it’s all worth
it!’ Share it with your friends, both those who do and don’t have kids. I guarantee they’ll get a chuckle out of it.

Remember, a sense of humor is of the most important things you’ll need when you become a parent!

So Thanks for that advice about having kids, now I just need some info on now to deal with friends who are moving, which sometimes seems just as stressful.